MM...
For some reason, this picture reminds me of... loneliness.
Isolation. One might even say, alienation. Not an unfamiliar
feeling.
've
always been somewhat of a loner. Now, I don't mean "loner" in the
sense of, "He was a quiet guy, kept to himself. I can't believe
he slaughtered that entire family and raped the gerbils." No. More
along the lines of, "Why am I the only one sitting at home on
Friday night?"
here
are two reasons, really. For one, I can't help feeling that
inviting friends to partake in an activity assigns me full personal
responsibility in ensuring that their experience is as smooth and euphoric
as possible. If they get bored, I get crushed. This can be very
stressful. Given that I tend to prefer non-traditional activities anyway,
my recreational regimen has simply evolved over time to be almost
exclusively solo. Just like a military man, stationed on a base without
any women, will develop a routine of... well... I'll leave the
completion of that analogy as an exercise for the reader. Not to mention
the military man.
he
second reason is that I am typically uncomfortable meeting new
people. It's not misanthropy so much as a kind of anthropophobia.
I am typically terrified by groups of unfamiliar people, and the act
of socializing can be the emotional equivalent of performing
striptease Lambada with a hornets' nest. On some occasions,
however, it can be great fun. I haven't yet figured out what
catalyzes that reaction.
n
spite of all this, I can sometimes be surprisingly unconcerned about
making a fool of myself in public. I'm probably too shy to come to your
party, but you might catch me singing along with the Muzak in the
supermarket with an impromptu bok-choy microphone, or giving a hearty,
meaningless "thumbs-up" to unknown passing cars. I also have a "website".