Monday, 4/8/02

At night, I am an unterminated transmission line. If the end of a transmission line is left open, there is nowhere for the current to go. It has to reflect back on itself, and the voltage swings wildly, even to twice the original applied voltage. At night, there is nothing to absorb and dampen my worries, my fears, my angers. They reflect back on themselves; my emotions swing wildly and take over my body. I am loud. There is no one to hear.

During the day, I am a shorted transmission line. If the end of a transmission line is shorted, the voltage is forced to zero. Reflections still occur, and the current swings wildly, even to twice the original applied current, but no voltage can be observed. During the day, with these people around, I am not allowed to express how I feel. It would be embarrassing, impolite, disruptive, self-serving, different. My emotions still continue, sometimes swinging wildly out of frustration at being stifled. But the on the surface they have been completely damped and cannot be observed. I am silent. There is no one to listen.

Night and day, open and shorted, neither is right. What do I long for? What is the right impedance with which to terminate a transmission line? A match.

But isn't that what everyone wants?